I have been thinking a LOT about marriage and death. It has been a very emotional train of thought!
I was privileged to have a very very special sister in law that was taken by cancer at the early age of 38. She was an amazing wife, mother and friend. She was always open, helpful and hard working. Her house was spotless and she home schooled her children. Her baking and cooking were famous among all those that knew her and She absolutely worshipped her husband and they went absolutely EVERYWHERE together! We had many wonderful times and conversations with each other and shared sisterly love and understanding. Her death was truly a tragedy to many people!
My thoughts have been on her more lately, since I learned that my brother in law will be remarrying soon to a very beautiful young woman. It's not that I begrudge him happiness and companionship, I don't. Lana even told him, and my husband, that she would want him to remarry. It's just all of the memories of our times together and the feeling of seeing a person replaced.
I know that a person isn't actually replaced but it just feels that way. I guess it's because it seems like I need to let go of her memory to make room for the new wife. Silly I guess but that's how I feel. When two people that seem to be so completely 'one' you just can't imagine them with someone else.
So here I am, believing that it's fine for my brother in law to not want to spend the rest of his life alone, wishing him happiness and blessings and yet feeling this constant tug of sadness at the same time. Maybe this is normal? I just wish things could be different and that happiness could always be simple.
This last week of thinking and remembering has brought my husband and I some intense conversations and made us appreciate our love even more. We are both happy for our brother. We both miss our sister.
Maybe it's because he has always been the only one for me or maybe it's the 15 years of marriage but we both think that our time together is eternity. I am so grateful for him! I want to make every day count as a wife and a mommy. I want to be the kind of person that people just can't imagine being replaced. The kind that loves her man enough to think only of what is best for him. :) Luckily, he already feels that way!