life

So many ups and downs lately!
I had a great time talking with my brother and sister last night. They are so special to me and I love having them around! I am so sad to think of them moving far away and at the same time happy that they can chase their dreams.
My hubby's brother is moving close by, which would normally excite him very much, but every time he sees him now it breaks his heart to see him so completely lost.
The 4TH of July is coming up and there are a lot of fun things to do but it is yet another painful reminder of loss as another of my nephews birthdays comes and goes without being invited or even acknowledged as family. I think of them so often. Yet another holiday to play with my kids and keep my tears a secret.
I have so many keepsakes, pictures, cards, handmade items... each one has a memory and a feeling attached. Sometimes it's wonderful to look back; sometimes it's agonizing.
I am disappearing into myself at times. I just want to hide from the sadness, sin and pain that fills our family.
Today, we will spend some time at the in laws, working in the garden, looking at pictures and listening to the Smothers Brothers. I know these days will some day be precious memories for us and for our children.
I want my children to be surrounded by happiness, truth and godliness! I just wish it wasn't so difficult to accomplish sometimes.